Phone problem

Having a mobile phone is a necessary evil. Try telling a potential employer or romantic partner that you do not have a phone. They will either assume you are lying, Neo-Amish or the Unabomber. None of those possibilities come off as appealing.

I used to work at a phone company whose name rhymes with horizon, so I know how easy it is to have a monthly phone bill balloon out of control. When I worked there I was put on an employee discount plan that was very reasonable. For $32 per month I had 2 gigs of high speed data with unlimited talk and text. I also had Wifi at my apartment provided by my landlord and at work so I never used all my data in a month. 

Those were the good old days. Now I have moved to an apartment where there is no free WiFi. I consistently burn through my data in about 14 days and have to rely on a slower connection speed for half of each month. Recently my phone company sent me an email informing me that I need to update my employee credentials to continue enjoying my reduced price plan. That might be hard since I have not worked there in over 6 months. Once they have discovered this my plan will increase to $60 per month for the same service. They might as well take my blood.

I could regress to a flip phone which would be substantially cheaper. I found one at Walmart for $15 and could get a plan with Tracfone for only $9.95 per month. When I left Walmart I saw a pack of stray pigeons eating some bread crumbs and wondered about the practicality of breeding and training a pack of carrier pigeons to replace my phone. It might be cheaper since I would only have to pay for stale bread and could make my own cages out of junk people put up on the free section of Craigslist. After consulting the internet I discovered that only certain breeds of pigeons are capable of working as carrier pigeons. They can also only deliver to places that they have been trained to deliver to. I also looked into a WiFi only plan but after reading about it the pigeons seemed more practical.

Then I thought, what if I adopted a lifestyle where I would never need to communicate with anyone. There are plenty of Buddhist monks, hobos, carnival workers and incarcerated felons who get along just fine without a dedicated communication device. Although I suppose the monks can utilize the astral plane for basic messages. Hobos have coded messages carved into fence posts. Carnival workers can deliver messages face to face when the carnival returns to town. Felons have their visiting friends and family smuggle out important messages on or inside their person. I came to the conclusion that the need to communicate is just part of the human condition and I might as well make the best of it.         

After a few false starts some other half baked ideas I bought a plan with straight talk. For $44 per month I get 4 gigs of data and unlimited talk and text. Crisis averted. Besides that I can eat all that stale bread I collected myself which will cut down on this weeks grocery bill. Now I just need to have one of my neighbors give me their WiFi password and I'll really be in the catbird seat.

         

Bicycle

To support my on going effort to get in shape and feel great, I went out in search of a bicycle. My brother had recently purchased one from a fellow on Craigslist for the princely sum of $100. I thought I could get a better deal. Although I did find a bike that costs quite a bit less I did not end up getting a good value.

After driving around town for half a day ($10 in gas) to various flea markets, pawnshops, bike shops, and swap meets I found a nice mountain bike at play it again sports for $40 plus tax. I was initially skeptical because it was much cheaper than the other bikes. I asked the sales person and he assured me that their bike guy had given it a vigorous inspection and proclaimed it fit for sale. The bike looked clean and had a nice padded seat which I felt would be vital since I have not owned a bike for 10 or so years. The frame was also a little small too but the idea of getting a great deal clouded my judgement.

A couple of nights ago I became ambitious. Why drive my car to the gym when I could ride my bike? Exercise was the whole point right? I put my favorite bright red shorts on and started on my way. I work out at planet fitness which is only about 2 miles from my apartment. About half way I decided to change gears and the chain decided to snap off. I do not mean that the chain came off the gear, I mean one of the links snapped and the entire chain fell on the ground. I had left my phone at home so I walked the remaining mile, worked out and then walked home. My brother drove back with me later that night to pick it up.

The next day I returned to Play it again sports to see if they could/would fix it. When I asked the new sales person to have their bike mechanic take a look at it he told me they do not employ a bike mechanic. They put the bikes out in the same condition they arrive in, counter to what the other sales person had told me before purchase. Fair enough, then I asked what he could do for me. He advised me to check the bike repair shop across the highway and bid me good day by walking into the back.

The bike shop said they could make the necessary repairs for $58. This included a tune up, fixing the brakes, chain repair, and putting the derailer back into position. I told him the entire bike was only $43 and after a bit of negotiation bought the bare bones repair package for $32. I had thoughts of just donating the bike to the shop and cutting my losses but it was psychologically hard to admit I might not have obtained as good a deal as I thought.

When it breaks agin I'll be sure to leave it by the side of the road instead of going through all the trouble of getting it fixed again.

 Too good to be true = deep searing pain in the ass. 

Too much sun in my eyes

I enjoy playing Frisbee Golf. It has the fun and challenge of standard golf without most of the onerous expense. Most courses are free since they are maintained by local businesses or the players on public land. The only cost is the price of a couple disks and how ever much beer you want to bring along. For years I only used one disk for an entire course but I have become slightly more sophisticated after my brother bought me a putting disk for Christmas.

Austin, Texas is pretty far south. Being much closer to the equator than I am accustomed to means that it is really bright out. Despite the fact that it is still winter here the last time I went out for a round of Frisbee golf I got a sun burn on my face. I would normally wear sunglasses too but in order to see the basket properly I need to wear my normal prescription glasses. I have a pair of transition lenses on order but they are still a few weeks out since I did not opt to pay for the express shipping.

In the meantime I needed to adorn my head with some sort of hat. I have not lived in Texas long enough to convincingly pull off a traditional cowboy hat. I also like to spike my hair up in the front so a normal baseball cap was also out. I finally decided that a visor would be the best option. Mostly because it looks hilarious while still being functional.

I was quickly frustrated in my quest to obtain a visor. My first stop was Walmart where they did not have any men's visors and the women's visors were much too small for my head. My next stop was Barton springs mall where I visited ten different stores, none of which had any visors. Even LIDS, which only sells hats, did not have one for sale. The clerk at footlocker told me that they did occasionally get them in but they were $25. I asked him where I could find a tennis or pickle ball outfitter in the area. His mouth said that he was not aware of any such store but his face said that he thought I was a real goober.

After my abysmal failure to obtain a visor I went out and played a very poor round of disk golf that same afternoon. The sun kept getting in my eyes. I kept throwing my disk into water hazards. It was a sad sight. I think that the frustration from my earlier shopping debacle affected my play considerably.

After the round my brother and I decided to get some ice cream. We walked into the local dairy queen to purchase a blizzard and it was as if fate was taunting me. Every single one of the employees were wearing a DQ visor. While I was enviously admiring the cashier's visor I told her about all the trouble that I had gone through searching in vain for a visor and how lucky they were since they got them for free with the job. She laughed and told me that I was misinformed. At dairy queen, the employees have to buy their visors.

"Could I buy one?' I asked.

I once again received a look that made it clear she thought I was a grade A moron, similar to the one I had received earlier at the mall. Maybe I need to work on my English. Once she had determined I was indeed serious, she went to find her manager. The manager looked like he was pretty baked and did not have a care in the world. Welcome to Austin. $5 later I became the proud owner of my very own DQ visor. Obtaining this hot little number well below market price was sweeter that any ice cream could ever be.

Shopping bags

Making meals at home is fun, cheap and I do not have to tip anyone. Although I have no formal cooking experience I have become fairly skilled. I like to put on some exotic music for inspiration. If I am going to make my version of  jambalaya I'll put on Zydeco music. If I am going to make some Curry I'll put on some Indian or Thai music. Pandora has a lot of diverse stations that put me in the cooking mood.

Every week I head down to the grocery store to pick up more food for my kitchen experiments. Here in Austin the local H-E-B (Howard E. Butts) grocery has all the common staples at good prices. I like the quality and selection. A weeks worth of groceries fills up about a half a shopping cart. After spending an hour loading up I proceed to the check out. Then it hits me like a swift punch in the gut and a feeling of dread washes over me.   

I forgot my bags again.

Why is this a problem? Just have the clerk bag your items at the checkout. That is not how it works in Austin. There is a local ordnance prohibiting what the local government has termed single use bags, primarily targeting "T-shirt bags" made of cheap plastic.

 “Beginning March 1, 2013, no person may provide single-use carryout bags at any City facility, City-sponsored event, or any event held on City property. Beginning March 1, 2013, a business establishment within the City limits may not provide single-use carryout bags to its customers or to any person.”

This ordnance was put in place to protect the environment and reduce litter in the city. Sounds great but I still need to find a way to get my food home. H-E-B of course has a solution. They offer slightly heaver plastic bags for purchase, $0.50 per bag.

It's a classic conundrum. I came to H-E-B to save money, not spend $2.00 on 4 bags that I often forget at home. Instead of buying bags I have the clerk ring everything up and put the groceries back into the cart. I proceed to push the cart into parking lot where I put all the loose food items into my trunk where they are free to roll around until I arrive home. I walk into my apartment and dump the gym clothes out of my duffle bag and return to my car where I stuff everything into it. The neighbors are either laughing hysterically or calling the police to report a robbery when they see me rummaging around in my trunk and swearing while looking for lost items.

There must be a better way. I wonder if Austin has a Pack mule ordinance?

The Broom Problem

Frugality is a delicate dance. I like to think of it as having two dimensions, like the force from Star Wars. The light side of frugality is saving money and taking personal responsibility for your needs by planning ahead. The dark side is being so cost conscious that you are unable to spend money on anything and allow excess frugality to control all aspects of your life. I like to refer to this negative tendency as a frugality trap. It can be avoided, but only if you understand how it works and how to re-frame a situation to break out of this habit. 

In behavioral economics there is a concept called a steady state. Basically it shows that once a behavioral equilibrium is reached it is difficult to move to another without some external action changing the initial conditions or payoffs. A frugality trap falls into this type of behavior.

My brother and I have been living in our new apartment for almost one month. The main entrance is a wood floor. Dirt and leaves have been tracked in by our shoes. It has created a small mess. Each and every day, my brother has said that he is going to buy a broom to sweep up the debris. So far he has failed to obtain one. We have been to multiple different stores in the last few weeks but despite these daily assertions he has not bought one. The need is obvious but he is unwilling to take action.

I asked him about this and he said that he thought that all of the brooms that he had seen were too expensive, even at the thrift stores. I think that the cost was between $7-$10 for various types of brooms. He would like to buy a broom but only if it is priced $3 or less. Here in lies the heart of the problem. If nothing changes our floor may never feel the sweet bristling caress of a sweeping device. These are the type of situations that give cost conscious individuals a bad name.
 

$3 brooms.

 
What can be done?

You have to change the system. I could agree to split the cost of the broom with him since we will both benefit from having a clean floor. I could also invite someone over to our apartment and cause my brother to consider suffering the social embarrassment of a dirty floor which could change his valuation of what a clean floor is worth. We could even strike up conversation with our housing manager and ask to borrow a broom for free.

The goal is to recognize when things have gone too far and take some action to allow your needs to be met without compromising your principles. Saving money should not be an chore. It does not have to be onerous. It should be an enjoyable pastime. Luckily, fun is free.

Couch Caper

Last week my brother and I moved to Austin, Texas. Initially we spent a few days in an Airbnb to get a feel for the city. On previous moves across the country we have slept in our cars to cut costs. At $40 a night total and since it was the end of December, we decided to splurge. Every website that we viewed said we had to prove our income by having gainful employment but once we met our rental agent in person she just approved us on the spot. We were able to secure a two bedroom apartment that normal humans might choose to voluntarily habitate. It even has a bathroom.

The only furniture we brought with were our mattresses. After looking around our living space I decided that we need at least two couches, two chairs and a couple of end tables. I also needed a lamp for my room because for some unknown reason there was no light fixtures of any kind available.

Our first stop was the local goodwill. I pulled out my trusty smart phone and fired up google maps. Seven locations appeared on the screen. They even had listings for G.W. boutiques which I was sure were just places to exchange frilly underwear. The first goodwill we visited did not have a furniture section. I was somewhat miffed but they did have a good selection of lamps.

The next goodwill contained the most busted collection of furniture I have ever seen in my life. It was as if people had gone around Austin collecting broken garbage and instead of burning it properly they decided to drag it to the thrift store as a joke. I was embarrassed for humanity.  

Clearly I had to come up with a new strategy. Thankfully good old Craigslist stepped up to save the day. Under the "For Sale" section of Craigslist there is a subsection called "Free Stuff." Before my eyes appeared a cornucopia of free furniture. After some careful scrutiny I selected two elegant couches from the list and made appointments with their owners.  

https://austin.craigslist.org/search/zip?query=couch

To my surprise and delight both owners promptly replied to my emails, gave me their addressed and set a time for me to come pick up the furniture. The first owner was a nice Latino woman who just wanted to get rid of her couch so she could buy a new one. The couch was a lovely mocha color and made of leather. The catch? It had a few scratches from her tiny chihuahua and we had to carry it to the truck. It didn't even smell like dog piss. Bonus!

After we pulled up to the next house I was sure my luck had run out. What were the chances that lighting would strike twice and we could get two free couches without any incident. In my extensive experience with 4th hand couches I have found it is low. The second owner had a humongous dog. It was as if he couldn't afford to stable his horse so he decided to paint it dalmatian color and hid it in his apartment. I weigh over 300 pounds and I could have rode this "dog" fairly easily. This couch does have a faint dog odor but its nothing a bit of baking soda and Febreze can't fix.

Keeping it cheap, and super creepy.

   

Free Quarters

Lately I have rediscovered the joys of regular exercise. I have made this a regular habit in the last few months, cruising up to Planet Fitness 3-4 times a week. This is by far the cheapest workout gym option in the area at $10 a month. I like that they are open 24 hours a day because even though I have no interest in working out at 2:30 in the morning, knowing they are always open removes one more excuse for not going to work out.  

Adjacent to Planet Fitness is an Aldi discount grocery store. They have a nice selection at low prices which attracts fiscally conservative types. The Aldi corporation is owned by a large German conglomerate and in stereotypical German fashion, they pass on the savings by making everything ruthlessly efficient. Unlike every other grocery store I have been in, employees are constantly on task and working as fast as possible. There are no bags provided. There is no public bathroom. All the items are placed in the most convenient locations to reduce dawdling. I can do a weeks worth of grocery shopping at an Aldi and have everything loaded in my car in about 10 minutes where as the local Walmart takes FOREVER to get anything done.

Aldi is so efficient that they cannot afford to waste any of their employees precious time. Other grocery stores are forced to employ a shopping cart wrangler to return the shopping carts to the store. At Aldi they came up with a simple elegant solution. They make the customers pay to use a shopping cart. Each shopping cart is locked to the next in a row with a little chain. The only way to release the cart is to insert a quarter. When you are done shopping you return your cart to the line in the store which will then release your quarter.

Is a quarter enough incentive to get the shopping carts back into the store? You bet. The type of people who shop at a discount grocery store generally will not leave that quarter behind. When they do, that is when I make my move.

As a willing participant in our new gig economy I become an extremely temporary employee of the Aldi corporation every time I go to the gym. When I drive up for a workout I diligently scan the parking lot for carts that have been left behind. If I see a stray cart I park next to it, grab my workout gear and push the cart into the Aldi on my way into the gym. By returning the cart I can claim the quarter left behind by the previous user netting my 100% profit. I repeat this process after my workout, doubling my potential income from each trip. Yesterday I put my small collection of quarters together took a trip to the do it yourself car wash. Thanks Aldi.