Going out to eat can easily put me in a bad mood. I derive abundant personal satisfaction from cooking the majority of my meals but occasionally I am coerced into visiting a restaurant. Fast causal is a compromise I prefer because the food is usually reasonably priced and the staff is paid an hourly wage so they are not expecting a tip.
When I reluctantly enter any restaurant my plan is to attempt to spend no more than $10. To my dismay, that dream is usually utter fantasy. The servers see me coming a mile away. They have dark, devious ways of dealing with Mr. cheapskate that involve social pressure, public shaming or negative body language as a way to embarrass me into spending more. Little do they know that they are dealing with a seasoned master of the frugal arts and sciences.
The rules of the game are simple. The server wants to maximize the bill to ensure a greater tip and I want to spend $10. We proceed to engage in a delicate dance of cunning. In the opening gambit our server will ask about drinks and appetizers. I quickly reveal my hand by ordering a water. Usually the server will counter with a statement that they will bring waters around for everyone but still wants to know what I would like to drink. This is clever, for if the other members of my party order drinks it is made to seem that everyone is getting something and become the odd man out. The implications is that I cannot afford a drink. Hence there is strong social pressure to appear at least as affluent as the other diners.
Next up is the main course. The server has my number at this point and will try to shame me further by taking everyone's order with great enthusiasm and then quietly asking me if I would like to order something off the kids menu. This attempted emasculation is an effective way to force the hand of many patrons. I resist and order a sandwich or burger off the big boys menu.
Finally it is time to pay the bill. Unless the server used a racial slur or farted directly on my food while I was watching, it's pretty hard to escape leaving a tip. I took a trip to Thailand last winter and it was wonderful because there they do not expect a tip. I tried not tipping at restaurants here in America for about a month but I eventually caved in to our cultural norms. Now my objective is to leave a tip that just large enough that the server is not insulted. Since I have greatly reduced their expectations throughout the meal, I find that $2 is the magic number.
This is about how it goes every time I eat out. The entire experience leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Savoring the flavor of savings tends to lift my mood and could be the main reason why I take such joy in cooking for myself.