I used to work at a phone company whose name rhymes with horizon, so I know how easy it is to have a monthly phone bill balloon out of control. When I worked there I was put on an employee discount plan that was very reasonable. For $32 per month I had 2 gigs of high speed data with unlimited talk and text. I also had Wifi at my apartment provided by my landlord and at work so I never used all my data in a month.
Those were the good old days. Now I have moved to an apartment where there is no free WiFi. I consistently burn through my data in about 14 days and have to rely on a slower connection speed for half of each month. Recently my phone company sent me an email informing me that I need to update my employee credentials to continue enjoying my reduced price plan. That might be hard since I have not worked there in over 6 months. Once they have discovered this my plan will increase to $60 per month for the same service. They might as well take my blood.
I could regress to a flip phone which would be substantially cheaper. I found one at Walmart for $15 and could get a plan with Tracfone for only $9.95 per month. When I left Walmart I saw a pack of stray pigeons eating some bread crumbs and wondered about the practicality of breeding and training a pack of carrier pigeons to replace my phone. It might be cheaper since I would only have to pay for stale bread and could make my own cages out of junk people put up on the free section of Craigslist. After consulting the internet I discovered that only certain breeds of pigeons are capable of working as carrier pigeons. They can also only deliver to places that they have been trained to deliver to. I also looked into a WiFi only plan but after reading about it the pigeons seemed more practical.
Then I thought, what if I adopted a lifestyle where I would never need to communicate with anyone. There are plenty of Buddhist monks, hobos, carnival workers and incarcerated felons who get along just fine without a dedicated communication device. Although I suppose the monks can utilize the astral plane for basic messages. Hobos have coded messages carved into fence posts. Carnival workers can deliver messages face to face when the carnival returns to town. Felons have their visiting friends and family smuggle out important messages on or inside their person. I came to the conclusion that the need to communicate is just part of the human condition and I might as well make the best of it.
After a few false starts some other half baked ideas I bought a plan with straight talk. For $44 per month I get 4 gigs of data and unlimited talk and text. Crisis averted. Besides that I can eat all that stale bread I collected myself which will cut down on this weeks grocery bill. Now I just need to have one of my neighbors give me their WiFi password and I'll really be in the catbird seat.
