Couch Caper

Last week my brother and I moved to Austin, Texas. Initially we spent a few days in an Airbnb to get a feel for the city. On previous moves across the country we have slept in our cars to cut costs. At $40 a night total and since it was the end of December, we decided to splurge. Every website that we viewed said we had to prove our income by having gainful employment but once we met our rental agent in person she just approved us on the spot. We were able to secure a two bedroom apartment that normal humans might choose to voluntarily habitate. It even has a bathroom.

The only furniture we brought with were our mattresses. After looking around our living space I decided that we need at least two couches, two chairs and a couple of end tables. I also needed a lamp for my room because for some unknown reason there was no light fixtures of any kind available.

Our first stop was the local goodwill. I pulled out my trusty smart phone and fired up google maps. Seven locations appeared on the screen. They even had listings for G.W. boutiques which I was sure were just places to exchange frilly underwear. The first goodwill we visited did not have a furniture section. I was somewhat miffed but they did have a good selection of lamps.

The next goodwill contained the most busted collection of furniture I have ever seen in my life. It was as if people had gone around Austin collecting broken garbage and instead of burning it properly they decided to drag it to the thrift store as a joke. I was embarrassed for humanity.  

Clearly I had to come up with a new strategy. Thankfully good old Craigslist stepped up to save the day. Under the "For Sale" section of Craigslist there is a subsection called "Free Stuff." Before my eyes appeared a cornucopia of free furniture. After some careful scrutiny I selected two elegant couches from the list and made appointments with their owners.  

https://austin.craigslist.org/search/zip?query=couch

To my surprise and delight both owners promptly replied to my emails, gave me their addressed and set a time for me to come pick up the furniture. The first owner was a nice Latino woman who just wanted to get rid of her couch so she could buy a new one. The couch was a lovely mocha color and made of leather. The catch? It had a few scratches from her tiny chihuahua and we had to carry it to the truck. It didn't even smell like dog piss. Bonus!

After we pulled up to the next house I was sure my luck had run out. What were the chances that lighting would strike twice and we could get two free couches without any incident. In my extensive experience with 4th hand couches I have found it is low. The second owner had a humongous dog. It was as if he couldn't afford to stable his horse so he decided to paint it dalmatian color and hid it in his apartment. I weigh over 300 pounds and I could have rode this "dog" fairly easily. This couch does have a faint dog odor but its nothing a bit of baking soda and Febreze can't fix.

Keeping it cheap, and super creepy.