Friday, May 25, 2018

Free pen taboo

Each week I host live trivia games at local bars and restaurants. Putting on each show is marginally inexpensive since I have already paid for my laptop, speakers, mic and all the other equipment needed to put on a show. My recurring costs are player score sheets, betting slips and pens. To cut costs, my brother and I bought a printer at Walmart for $50 and I can now print off all the paperwork needed.

Pens are the only remaining issue. Each week I put out pens for the players. I put out between 15 and 30 pens depending on how many I have on hand. No matter what number I put out, at least 75% disappear into another dimension and are never seen again. A pack of pens at the dollar store costs $1.06 with tax and I need at least 2.5 packs for each show. This also means that I have to make a special trip to the dollar store every week or so. In the grand scheme this seems like a minor problem but I have multiple shows each week so it is one I would still like to eliminate.

I have attempted to collect the pens after a show but end up with only a few chewed up tubes that no longer resemble writing utensils. I think that the players are getting so excited that they unconsciously need something to to gnaw on. It is also possible that they do not want to miss one second of trivia and put the pens in their mouths to delay a much needed smoke break. Either way the recovery strategy has been a futile effort.

Lots of businesses give away free pens to customers to promote their businesses. Ideally they would like each customer to take one, and only one. They do not want some industrious trivia host walking off with 40 pens after each visit. Driving all over town and getting one free pen from a bunch of businesses would not be time effective or cost effective since I would have to pay my own gas. Just walking into a business and taking a free pen without making a purchase is something you might do once. Over time even the most inept employees will catch on and ask you to stop taking those pens.

The ideal free pen scenario would be a place I already frequent where I would not have to buy anything and I also have a reason to be there so as not to arouse suspicion of vigilant employees. Initially I considered my bank as a possible source but all their pens are chained to the teller stations. Plus I do most of my banking online or at an ATM so I do not frequent the bank enough to fulfill my needs.

Planet Fitness to the rescue again. In the front by the check in station there is a lounge area. There are tables and each one is loaded with at least 50 pens. I have been sticking to a brutal 4-5 weekly visit workout regime. Each time on my way out I grab four pens. They have a staff that constantly rotates shift times so no one has caught on yet and I'm sure that these highly motivated drones could not care less. This also has the added benefit that when I pass them out I tell the players that I only grab one pen on each visit, increasing their belief that I go to the gym a lot. They write in purple but no one seems to mind.

Now I am able to spend that Pen gathering time more effectively on engineering superior puns for my upcoming games. This system is much more dependable than carrying around a bunch of broken pencils, because broken pencils are pointless.        

Friday, May 4, 2018

Clif Bar on the cheap.

It was 3:00 pm and I had a dilemma. I wanted to go the the gym but I was also hungry. Some food needed to go into my body, and something small since it was too early to eat dinner. There is a odd little convenience store across from the Twin Oaks library that sells snacks. After looking around I selected a peanut butter Clif bar and placed it on the counter. Out came my debit card. Before I could open the package and jam the snack in my mouth, the clerk informed me that there was a $5 minimum on all debit card purchases. I almost never carry cash and the thought of spending an additional $3.50 was not appealing. I left without my precious snack.

Down the road there was a Shell gas station. Surely a corporate behemoth the size of Shell would not quibble over a minimum purchase. I placed an identical peanut butter Clif bar on the counter. The clerk was on his phone and could not have cared less. Mission Accomplished, or so I thought. Clif bars cost $2.50 at Shell. It was enough to give me heart burn. Since I was approaching an extreme state of "hanrginess", I paid the absorbent markup and left crestfallen. There had to be a better way. One that would eliminate the bitter taste of price gouging from my mouth.

The wheels in my brain started turning. How hard would it be to make something like a Clif bar at home? After a little research I found out that it really easy. Get on google and type in "DIY Clif Bar". There are thousands of recipes for every type of diet. Want to make a batch of no bake, vegan, gluten free, free range, no preservative, paleo, freegan bars? Someone out there is making a batch right now and cannot wait to tell you all about it.

My criteria were as follows. They needed to be cheap and easy to make. Should be reasonably healthy. Easy to transport so I can keep them in my car. After looking over a few ideas I drove to the local grocery store and bought my ingredients. I used the basic principle that the things I already like to eat would make a good bar. Pretty basic stuff. All the ingredients together cost $8.50.

         
I took all this stuff and mixed it in a bowl. Then I greased up a cookie sheet and poured the mixture onto it. Various recipes recommended that I form a brick by pressing down on the top and sides with a cutting board. I cooked this brick at 325° for 30 minutes. When it was done I put it in the refrigerator to harden a bit. Then I cut the brick into squares. This made 16 Clif sized bars  in two batches which came in at $0.54 per bar. I am going to continue to tweak the recipe but I was very pleased with the results. So is my wallet.