Phone problem

Having a mobile phone is a necessary evil. Try telling a potential employer or romantic partner that you do not have a phone. They will either assume you are lying, Neo-Amish or the Unabomber. None of those possibilities come off as appealing.

I used to work at a phone company whose name rhymes with horizon, so I know how easy it is to have a monthly phone bill balloon out of control. When I worked there I was put on an employee discount plan that was very reasonable. For $32 per month I had 2 gigs of high speed data with unlimited talk and text. I also had Wifi at my apartment provided by my landlord and at work so I never used all my data in a month. 

Those were the good old days. Now I have moved to an apartment where there is no free WiFi. I consistently burn through my data in about 14 days and have to rely on a slower connection speed for half of each month. Recently my phone company sent me an email informing me that I need to update my employee credentials to continue enjoying my reduced price plan. That might be hard since I have not worked there in over 6 months. Once they have discovered this my plan will increase to $60 per month for the same service. They might as well take my blood.

I could regress to a flip phone which would be substantially cheaper. I found one at Walmart for $15 and could get a plan with Tracfone for only $9.95 per month. When I left Walmart I saw a pack of stray pigeons eating some bread crumbs and wondered about the practicality of breeding and training a pack of carrier pigeons to replace my phone. It might be cheaper since I would only have to pay for stale bread and could make my own cages out of junk people put up on the free section of Craigslist. After consulting the internet I discovered that only certain breeds of pigeons are capable of working as carrier pigeons. They can also only deliver to places that they have been trained to deliver to. I also looked into a WiFi only plan but after reading about it the pigeons seemed more practical.

Then I thought, what if I adopted a lifestyle where I would never need to communicate with anyone. There are plenty of Buddhist monks, hobos, carnival workers and incarcerated felons who get along just fine without a dedicated communication device. Although I suppose the monks can utilize the astral plane for basic messages. Hobos have coded messages carved into fence posts. Carnival workers can deliver messages face to face when the carnival returns to town. Felons have their visiting friends and family smuggle out important messages on or inside their person. I came to the conclusion that the need to communicate is just part of the human condition and I might as well make the best of it.         

After a few false starts some other half baked ideas I bought a plan with straight talk. For $44 per month I get 4 gigs of data and unlimited talk and text. Crisis averted. Besides that I can eat all that stale bread I collected myself which will cut down on this weeks grocery bill. Now I just need to have one of my neighbors give me their WiFi password and I'll really be in the catbird seat.

         

Bicycle

To support my on going effort to get in shape and feel great, I went out in search of a bicycle. My brother had recently purchased one from a fellow on Craigslist for the princely sum of $100. I thought I could get a better deal. Although I did find a bike that costs quite a bit less I did not end up getting a good value.

After driving around town for half a day ($10 in gas) to various flea markets, pawnshops, bike shops, and swap meets I found a nice mountain bike at play it again sports for $40 plus tax. I was initially skeptical because it was much cheaper than the other bikes. I asked the sales person and he assured me that their bike guy had given it a vigorous inspection and proclaimed it fit for sale. The bike looked clean and had a nice padded seat which I felt would be vital since I have not owned a bike for 10 or so years. The frame was also a little small too but the idea of getting a great deal clouded my judgement.

A couple of nights ago I became ambitious. Why drive my car to the gym when I could ride my bike? Exercise was the whole point right? I put my favorite bright red shorts on and started on my way. I work out at planet fitness which is only about 2 miles from my apartment. About half way I decided to change gears and the chain decided to snap off. I do not mean that the chain came off the gear, I mean one of the links snapped and the entire chain fell on the ground. I had left my phone at home so I walked the remaining mile, worked out and then walked home. My brother drove back with me later that night to pick it up.

The next day I returned to Play it again sports to see if they could/would fix it. When I asked the new sales person to have their bike mechanic take a look at it he told me they do not employ a bike mechanic. They put the bikes out in the same condition they arrive in, counter to what the other sales person had told me before purchase. Fair enough, then I asked what he could do for me. He advised me to check the bike repair shop across the highway and bid me good day by walking into the back.

The bike shop said they could make the necessary repairs for $58. This included a tune up, fixing the brakes, chain repair, and putting the derailer back into position. I told him the entire bike was only $43 and after a bit of negotiation bought the bare bones repair package for $32. I had thoughts of just donating the bike to the shop and cutting my losses but it was psychologically hard to admit I might not have obtained as good a deal as I thought.

When it breaks agin I'll be sure to leave it by the side of the road instead of going through all the trouble of getting it fixed again.

 Too good to be true = deep searing pain in the ass. 

Too much sun in my eyes

I enjoy playing Frisbee Golf. It has the fun and challenge of standard golf without most of the onerous expense. Most courses are free since they are maintained by local businesses or the players on public land. The only cost is the price of a couple disks and how ever much beer you want to bring along. For years I only used one disk for an entire course but I have become slightly more sophisticated after my brother bought me a putting disk for Christmas.

Austin, Texas is pretty far south. Being much closer to the equator than I am accustomed to means that it is really bright out. Despite the fact that it is still winter here the last time I went out for a round of Frisbee golf I got a sun burn on my face. I would normally wear sunglasses too but in order to see the basket properly I need to wear my normal prescription glasses. I have a pair of transition lenses on order but they are still a few weeks out since I did not opt to pay for the express shipping.

In the meantime I needed to adorn my head with some sort of hat. I have not lived in Texas long enough to convincingly pull off a traditional cowboy hat. I also like to spike my hair up in the front so a normal baseball cap was also out. I finally decided that a visor would be the best option. Mostly because it looks hilarious while still being functional.

I was quickly frustrated in my quest to obtain a visor. My first stop was Walmart where they did not have any men's visors and the women's visors were much too small for my head. My next stop was Barton springs mall where I visited ten different stores, none of which had any visors. Even LIDS, which only sells hats, did not have one for sale. The clerk at footlocker told me that they did occasionally get them in but they were $25. I asked him where I could find a tennis or pickle ball outfitter in the area. His mouth said that he was not aware of any such store but his face said that he thought I was a real goober.

After my abysmal failure to obtain a visor I went out and played a very poor round of disk golf that same afternoon. The sun kept getting in my eyes. I kept throwing my disk into water hazards. It was a sad sight. I think that the frustration from my earlier shopping debacle affected my play considerably.

After the round my brother and I decided to get some ice cream. We walked into the local dairy queen to purchase a blizzard and it was as if fate was taunting me. Every single one of the employees were wearing a DQ visor. While I was enviously admiring the cashier's visor I told her about all the trouble that I had gone through searching in vain for a visor and how lucky they were since they got them for free with the job. She laughed and told me that I was misinformed. At dairy queen, the employees have to buy their visors.

"Could I buy one?' I asked.

I once again received a look that made it clear she thought I was a grade A moron, similar to the one I had received earlier at the mall. Maybe I need to work on my English. Once she had determined I was indeed serious, she went to find her manager. The manager looked like he was pretty baked and did not have a care in the world. Welcome to Austin. $5 later I became the proud owner of my very own DQ visor. Obtaining this hot little number well below market price was sweeter that any ice cream could ever be.