Light bulb goes on.

While driving a car next to me made the signal to roll down my window. They yelled "You have no break lights." I backed up to a window and checked. Sure enough, only the tiny light in the middle was activating. 

My Kia Soul eats light bulbs. It seems like I'm changing a light bulb once a month. The headlights cost almost $100 with parts and labor. Luckily the rear bulbs only cost around $25 to have installed.

I am hesitant to do any car repairs myself. I'm also broke right now because of past car repair bills that are sitting on a couple of credit cards. The idea of dumping more money into a car that pushed me into debt makes me want set things on fire but driving without brake lights is idiotic. Great way to get a ticket. People here already drive aggressively here and having no break lights is an invitation to be rear ended.

How hard is it to change a break light bulb? I had no idea so I turned to YouTube for answers. Turns out it's about the most basic repair one could hope for. The guy in the video swapped them out in about 4 minutes with just a screwdriver. 

After cruising down to Auto Zone, I parked near the three other guys who were working on their vehicles in the parking lot. I figured if I ran into trouble, maybe one of the other amateur mechanics could give me a hand. After identifying the burnt out bulb I removed the entire brake light from the back of the car and pulled out the bulb. 

The clerk in the store looked up the bulb on her computer and took me over to select the correct one. To my untrained eye, they looked a bit different but she assured me it was the correct bulb and would fit. After telling me about how many bulbs I had lost in the last few months, she gave me a packet of bulb grease on the house. Pretty great. Two bulbs for about $7. 

Worked like a charm. It took me about 10 minutes to replace both bulbs after leaving the store. I probably will not attempt any thing more complicated when it comes to repairs in the future but this one worked out. It was simple and satisfying to do it myself. The downside would have been me driving the two bulbs to a shop and having someone install the bulbs so not a huge risk. Either way, crisis averted. 

 

Microphone Stand Innovation.

 I have been hosting an open mic comedy night the last 6 weeks. Part of the deal is that I bring my own microphone and stand. As the host I am paid $50 per event minus any drinks consumed. Usually that brings my take home pay to $35. More of a hobby than a real job but it's still nice to get paid something for the effort. 

The mic goes from 6pm till 2am. Other comics are baffled that I am interested in hosting it at all. For only $50. I view it as a was to gain more exposure and work on my ability to write one liners.

Last week I had a new comic take the stage for the first time. He had a suit case full of musical parts. He said he would be playing a comedic version of the clarinet. Since this was an open mic, I told him to proceed. 

He needed to lower the mic so it would pick up the music. Instead he snapped my microphone stand in half. Whoops. You would think a musician would know how to operate a microphone stand. Maybe that was part of the joke. I was certainly not laughing.

I was a bit pissed off because now the remaining comics would have to set the microphone on a stool. This increased the chances of it falling on the pavement and being damaged too. The offending "comic" said he was sorry he broke the stand and then ran off into the night. 

I had spend $50 to purchase this mic stand at guitar center. I wasn't looking forward to buying another. 

As I picked up the broken pieces my mind began to wander. Maybe it would be better to get a long 2x4 and attach the mic to that for these animals. Unfortunately, that would be a pain to lug around in my tiny car.

Then I considered good old duck tape. The problem there is that the stand would then only be semi functional. Every performer is a different height so I need the stand to remain adjustable. 

When I arrived home I took another look at the broken pieces. I realized that the adjustable arm and the telescoping arm were exactly the same part. I decided that I could dismantle the stand, switch the broken arm for the other arm and then remove a few excess parts. Then the telescoping function would still work.  

After about an hour of tinkering I reassembled my new and improved microphone stand. Lighter, simpler and at no additional financial cost. It has all the functions I need for open mic comedy. Now if the participants would just write some jokes we could have a great show.

I am very proud of my Microphone stand innovation. So proud that I created a meme to commemorate the event. It feels good to figure things out. Saving money is also a nice bonus. I'll test it out at the open mic this week and we'll see what happens. If it breaks again I'll try something else. Either way it was a fun project.

 

Discount Transport.

My check engine light began blinking. Google said that is very bad. Took my car in for a $1,150 repair of the catalytic converter and rear O2 sensor. The car is still in the shop. 

That same night I wanted to go perform stand up comedy at two different open mics. The first one I had signed up for in advance. The cost of a ride share was around $30. After spending all that money on another repair I didn't like that idea. 

Why not take the bus? I literally had all day. There are 4 bus stops a three minute walk from my apartment because I live in a classy part of town. The cost is only $1.25.

I google mapped out a route. Three minute walk to the #3 line. Then a one and a half hour ride north followed by a 4 minute walk to the bar. Same bus the entire time. Seemed almost too easy. 

Inside my backpack I placed some essentials. Two books, note pad for jokes, a pen, thermos of water, thermos of coffee, phone charger, iPod. It was also getting cold so I packed a hat, gloves and neck warmer. I put on my new vest and hiking shoes and departed for comedy glory. 

As I was walking to the bus stop I saw the #3 bus pulling through the intersection. Missed it by about 2 minutes. No matter. Another would be by in 30 minutes. I contemplated returning to my apartment to wait but decided to stand at the stop and watch the cars go by. I had a Vaporwave music mix called "Downtown Sparkles" playing so I was in a good mood. 

The bus arrived and I put my 5 quarters into the slot. Social distancing was in effect on the bus so everyone had to wear a mask. Half the seats were blocked off and everyone sat as far apart as possible. I pulled out my book and started reading. It was about 4:30pm and the mic stared at 6:30pm. 

We were nearing my destination so I pulled the cord. I missed my stop somehow. The bus driver was trying to tell me how to get back to where I needed to go on a different bus but I was too pissed off to listen. The mic started in 30 minutes and I didn't want to be late. 

I whipped out my trusty google map. I was 1.6 miles away by foot. Estimated time, 28 minutes. I started walking briskly in the direction of the bar.

Made it with 5 minutes to spare. Guess I'm a fast walker. It was nice to take a break and wait for my set. Since I saved so much money on the bus ride I thought I'd treat myself to a beer. 

I asked my friend Patrick who was also the host if I could make a special announcement. If anyone was going to the Lucky Duck open mic after this I would love to catch a ride since I came on the bus. He laughed because he thought I was telling him a joke. Then he laughed harder when he found out it was the truth. "You never tell jokes," he said "you just talk about funny things that actually happen to you." How true. 

I did my comedy set which went well. At the end I asked the crowd if anyone was heading to the next mic and I could catch a ride. My friend Spencer volunteered right away. 

We had a nice chat about comedy on the way over and he gave me a few suggestions on how I could tighten up my act. I got a lot out of our conversation. It can be hard to give people honest feedback about their performance and it was pleasant to have a conversion with a comedy colleague about technique. 

The list at the second mic was long. 60 some comics had signed up for 3 minute sets. The show started at 8pm and I was up near the end, around midnight. 

This presented a problem. The bus stops running around midnight which is about the time I would be performing. I was closer to my apartment then the other mic but it was still far. After mapping it out it was about a 7.6 mile walk which would take about 2.5 hours.

Again, I had options. I could ask for another ride. I could get hail a ride share. I thought I'll see how I felt when my second set was over. 

My set went well. I had fun and got off the stage. By this time the bar had pretty much emptied out. I didn't want to ask for a ride from someone I didn't know. Maybe it was the beer. Maybe I was still mad about my broken car. Maybe I'm just an idiot. 

I decided to walk back.  

It was midnight when I left the bar. I started walking. I arrived back at my place around 2:45 am. I am pretty sore today. 

I had plenty of time to reflect on my behavior during that walk. Why don't I like to ask for help? It would have been a minor inconvenience to just ask one of the other comics for a ride. I decided to suffer needlessly instead. Why? To punish myself? I can't figure it out. 

I rely on my car so much. Every time it breaks I feel like a huge failure. It puts my ability to earn money in jeopardy and threatens my feeling of usefulness. It really gets me. Being in debt bothers me too. Just when I think I'm on top of it I get another large car repair bill. They are connected since the delivery job is causing me to go into debt and ruin my car.

Why can't I walk away from my delivery job? It has put me into debt. I don't make much money. The IRS is after me for irregularities in my income. I know the job is dumb but I keep doing it. It doesn't serve me. It gave me the illusion of freedom in the beginning but now I am going to be a slave to my debt for a while. More deliveries will just bring on more debt. My life would be so much easier if I went out and found a traditional job but something is holding me back. What?

Maybe another long walk is needed before I can figure it out and make a change.

Free Trial Trap.

The free trial is an insidious business practice. Try us for a month free with no obligation. Be sure to read the fine print. These agreements usually come with an auto renew "feature". 

A friend of mine sent me a groupon offer. One year of Mad Magazine for $5. Cheap. Sign me up. Then I  looked through the fine print. They want $1 as a processing fee. Fine. Now it's $6 a year. Still a steal. 

What they don't make obvious is that you also signed up for an auto renewal of your subscription at full price. Which starts in October. 8 months into the subscription. No normal person is thinking about renewing their subscription 2/3rds of the way into it. That's how they get you.

I am offered a free subscription to Amazon prime every 4 or 5 months. Free shipping is the best. It also auto subscribes to prime at the end of your trial period. How convenient, for Amazon. That's how they get you. 

I signed up for a Chase United Explorer credit card. They gave me a two free flights and the first year with no fees. Then they want $95 a year to keep the card open. I don't use the card anymore but I don't want to cancel it because that will effect my credit score. That's how they get you. 

All these transactions have one thing in common. They prey on natural human laziness. They give you something free and then collect their payment later when you aren't paying attention. Even if people can remember they need to cancel it they may not know how or have the energy to do so.   

I have a simple system to get the free stuff and not pay in the end. The moment I sign up for a free trial I pull up my google calendar and make a note to cancel the service.

Once you get into this habit it becomes easy. Just today I received a notification, "cancel credit card". I remembered the bitter feeling I experienced when I paid the $95 fee that credit card around this time last year. I made a note on my calendar which I acted on today.

It was easy to have the fee removed. I called the number on the back of the card and told them I needed them to either remove the fee or cancel the card. The customer service agent was happy to switch my card to another no fee card with the same credit limit as before. Saving me $95 a year and preserving my current credit ratio. 

This also moves the worry about remembering out of your mind. This part of my memory is now automated. Let your phone worry about it for you. I'll get a notification to cancel my Mad Magazine subscription in October. Thanks google.

The things that are easy to to are easy not to do. With this system you can have all the advantages up front and not pay later unless you want to, not because you forgot.