Sunday, June 5, 2022

Fees

Everywhere I turn there are more fees. The internet was supposed to make things cheaper. Now it's an excuse to tack on anonymous fees. If you don't like it feel free to call the 24 hour customer service where no one will pick up the phone. 

I went to buy movie tickets for the first time since the pandemic. $12 a person now. I don't like that but fine. I selected 2 tickets for the new Dr. Strange movie. I selected the seats. $24 plus tax. Then I see another line that says $3.50 for a convenience fee. WHAT! No. I'm doing literally all the work and now you want me to pay more. This should be cheaper than buying the tickets in person because you don't have an employee who needs to stand there and touch the computer with their greasy finger to get me my wildly over priced ticket. Go to hell. 

I saw a line under the fee that said if I join the Movie Club I can have the fee waived. So you can make more money off my personal information. GFYS. I already have to sit through an hour of previews which are now just commercials, then actual commercials, then product placement during the movie. The theater isn't making enough money off $9 popcorn? They need to get into the selling my personal information business too?

I walked to the theater and purchased the tickets the old fashioned way. On Foot with cash so they couldn't track my spending for their stupid data mining operation. The clerk asked me if I wanted to join the movie club. I declined. My girlfriend asked I wanted to buy us some popcorn. I declined. We could have stayed home and watched the streaming service from the public library for free but even I know that wont qualify as proper date night. 

The movie ticket incident was still burning me the next day so I decided to declare a Jihad on all fees. My next target was Chase bank. They have begun charging me $12 a month for the privilege of using my checking account. When I signed up for the account it was free. Then one day my account was converted from a free checking account to something called the Chase Freedom Checking Account. No one asked me if I wanted to change accounts. Apparently freedom costs $12 a month.

I called the customer service line and navigated the intricate phone tree. There were no options presented to reach a human. I had to look it up on google and found a site called Get to Human which will walk you thought the fastest way to get to a human. In this case press zero or mash your key pad in a blinding rage.

Once the customer service agent was reluctantly brought to my line, I explained that I do not wish to pay $12 a month for my checking account. I would like to switch to a free account like I have at the credit union. I was informed that all the free checking accounts have been eliminated, but there were options for having the fees waved. 

Option 1 was to carry a balance of $5000. If I had $5000 laying around I would pay back my growing credit card debt. The next option was to have a $1500 average monthly balance. Again, still poor. I have other places my money needs to go like rent, car payment and In & Out Burger. Finally I was told if my employer would direct deposit my checks that would also wave the fee. Good thing I'm self employed and get paid by check. 

She then asked me if I needed anything else. Implying nothing could be done about the situation. A bold maneuver until I told her If you can't remove the fees to close my account. I was told WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, hold on a minute, I'll remove the fees for the last 2 months. I was instantly returned $24 dollars of fees. Cementing in my mind that the fees were complete horse shit. At least the movie tickets were paid for. Minus the tax. I will be canceling this account as soon as I pay off my Chase Credit cards. Until them I'll be calling every month to get the fees waived.

When I moved out of my apartment there was a line that said $75 for administration fee. I called to argue and no one picked up the phone. Looks like the administration isn't doing their job so give my back my $75 you dirty jackals. 

All this fee bullshit drives me insane and no one can be bothered. Just the price of doing business? Maybe but I'm still pissed. 

I found a way to make peace with the situation. Every time this happens I get online and write a scathing google review. Sometimes as much as 5 pages or ranting angry nonsense. I know that this will not change anything but it is cathartic. I've currently reviewed every single Chase branch and ATM in town along with all the movie theaters from that chain and my former apartment building 3 times. Try it sometime. It doesn't cost a dime and is certainly much healthier than unloading on some poor customer service agent who couldn't care less anyway. Some of my reviews have received over 5000 views. Businesses have asked my to take them down and I always say I will. For a fee.