Shopping bags

Making meals at home is fun, cheap and I do not have to tip anyone. Although I have no formal cooking experience I have become fairly skilled. I like to put on some exotic music for inspiration. If I am going to make my version of  jambalaya I'll put on Zydeco music. If I am going to make some Curry I'll put on some Indian or Thai music. Pandora has a lot of diverse stations that put me in the cooking mood.

Every week I head down to the grocery store to pick up more food for my kitchen experiments. Here in Austin the local H-E-B (Howard E. Butts) grocery has all the common staples at good prices. I like the quality and selection. A weeks worth of groceries fills up about a half a shopping cart. After spending an hour loading up I proceed to the check out. Then it hits me like a swift punch in the gut and a feeling of dread washes over me.   

I forgot my bags again.

Why is this a problem? Just have the clerk bag your items at the checkout. That is not how it works in Austin. There is a local ordnance prohibiting what the local government has termed single use bags, primarily targeting "T-shirt bags" made of cheap plastic.

 “Beginning March 1, 2013, no person may provide single-use carryout bags at any City facility, City-sponsored event, or any event held on City property. Beginning March 1, 2013, a business establishment within the City limits may not provide single-use carryout bags to its customers or to any person.”

This ordnance was put in place to protect the environment and reduce litter in the city. Sounds great but I still need to find a way to get my food home. H-E-B of course has a solution. They offer slightly heaver plastic bags for purchase, $0.50 per bag.

It's a classic conundrum. I came to H-E-B to save money, not spend $2.00 on 4 bags that I often forget at home. Instead of buying bags I have the clerk ring everything up and put the groceries back into the cart. I proceed to push the cart into parking lot where I put all the loose food items into my trunk where they are free to roll around until I arrive home. I walk into my apartment and dump the gym clothes out of my duffle bag and return to my car where I stuff everything into it. The neighbors are either laughing hysterically or calling the police to report a robbery when they see me rummaging around in my trunk and swearing while looking for lost items.

There must be a better way. I wonder if Austin has a Pack mule ordinance?

The Broom Problem

Frugality is a delicate dance. I like to think of it as having two dimensions, like the force from Star Wars. The light side of frugality is saving money and taking personal responsibility for your needs by planning ahead. The dark side is being so cost conscious that you are unable to spend money on anything and allow excess frugality to control all aspects of your life. I like to refer to this negative tendency as a frugality trap. It can be avoided, but only if you understand how it works and how to re-frame a situation to break out of this habit. 

In behavioral economics there is a concept called a steady state. Basically it shows that once a behavioral equilibrium is reached it is difficult to move to another without some external action changing the initial conditions or payoffs. A frugality trap falls into this type of behavior.

My brother and I have been living in our new apartment for almost one month. The main entrance is a wood floor. Dirt and leaves have been tracked in by our shoes. It has created a small mess. Each and every day, my brother has said that he is going to buy a broom to sweep up the debris. So far he has failed to obtain one. We have been to multiple different stores in the last few weeks but despite these daily assertions he has not bought one. The need is obvious but he is unwilling to take action.

I asked him about this and he said that he thought that all of the brooms that he had seen were too expensive, even at the thrift stores. I think that the cost was between $7-$10 for various types of brooms. He would like to buy a broom but only if it is priced $3 or less. Here in lies the heart of the problem. If nothing changes our floor may never feel the sweet bristling caress of a sweeping device. These are the type of situations that give cost conscious individuals a bad name.
 

$3 brooms.

 
What can be done?

You have to change the system. I could agree to split the cost of the broom with him since we will both benefit from having a clean floor. I could also invite someone over to our apartment and cause my brother to consider suffering the social embarrassment of a dirty floor which could change his valuation of what a clean floor is worth. We could even strike up conversation with our housing manager and ask to borrow a broom for free.

The goal is to recognize when things have gone too far and take some action to allow your needs to be met without compromising your principles. Saving money should not be an chore. It does not have to be onerous. It should be an enjoyable pastime. Luckily, fun is free.

Couch Caper

Last week my brother and I moved to Austin, Texas. Initially we spent a few days in an Airbnb to get a feel for the city. On previous moves across the country we have slept in our cars to cut costs. At $40 a night total and since it was the end of December, we decided to splurge. Every website that we viewed said we had to prove our income by having gainful employment but once we met our rental agent in person she just approved us on the spot. We were able to secure a two bedroom apartment that normal humans might choose to voluntarily habitate. It even has a bathroom.

The only furniture we brought with were our mattresses. After looking around our living space I decided that we need at least two couches, two chairs and a couple of end tables. I also needed a lamp for my room because for some unknown reason there was no light fixtures of any kind available.

Our first stop was the local goodwill. I pulled out my trusty smart phone and fired up google maps. Seven locations appeared on the screen. They even had listings for G.W. boutiques which I was sure were just places to exchange frilly underwear. The first goodwill we visited did not have a furniture section. I was somewhat miffed but they did have a good selection of lamps.

The next goodwill contained the most busted collection of furniture I have ever seen in my life. It was as if people had gone around Austin collecting broken garbage and instead of burning it properly they decided to drag it to the thrift store as a joke. I was embarrassed for humanity.  

Clearly I had to come up with a new strategy. Thankfully good old Craigslist stepped up to save the day. Under the "For Sale" section of Craigslist there is a subsection called "Free Stuff." Before my eyes appeared a cornucopia of free furniture. After some careful scrutiny I selected two elegant couches from the list and made appointments with their owners.  

https://austin.craigslist.org/search/zip?query=couch

To my surprise and delight both owners promptly replied to my emails, gave me their addressed and set a time for me to come pick up the furniture. The first owner was a nice Latino woman who just wanted to get rid of her couch so she could buy a new one. The couch was a lovely mocha color and made of leather. The catch? It had a few scratches from her tiny chihuahua and we had to carry it to the truck. It didn't even smell like dog piss. Bonus!

After we pulled up to the next house I was sure my luck had run out. What were the chances that lighting would strike twice and we could get two free couches without any incident. In my extensive experience with 4th hand couches I have found it is low. The second owner had a humongous dog. It was as if he couldn't afford to stable his horse so he decided to paint it dalmatian color and hid it in his apartment. I weigh over 300 pounds and I could have rode this "dog" fairly easily. This couch does have a faint dog odor but its nothing a bit of baking soda and Febreze can't fix.

Keeping it cheap, and super creepy.

   

Free Quarters

Lately I have rediscovered the joys of regular exercise. I have made this a regular habit in the last few months, cruising up to Planet Fitness 3-4 times a week. This is by far the cheapest workout gym option in the area at $10 a month. I like that they are open 24 hours a day because even though I have no interest in working out at 2:30 in the morning, knowing they are always open removes one more excuse for not going to work out.  

Adjacent to Planet Fitness is an Aldi discount grocery store. They have a nice selection at low prices which attracts fiscally conservative types. The Aldi corporation is owned by a large German conglomerate and in stereotypical German fashion, they pass on the savings by making everything ruthlessly efficient. Unlike every other grocery store I have been in, employees are constantly on task and working as fast as possible. There are no bags provided. There is no public bathroom. All the items are placed in the most convenient locations to reduce dawdling. I can do a weeks worth of grocery shopping at an Aldi and have everything loaded in my car in about 10 minutes where as the local Walmart takes FOREVER to get anything done.

Aldi is so efficient that they cannot afford to waste any of their employees precious time. Other grocery stores are forced to employ a shopping cart wrangler to return the shopping carts to the store. At Aldi they came up with a simple elegant solution. They make the customers pay to use a shopping cart. Each shopping cart is locked to the next in a row with a little chain. The only way to release the cart is to insert a quarter. When you are done shopping you return your cart to the line in the store which will then release your quarter.

Is a quarter enough incentive to get the shopping carts back into the store? You bet. The type of people who shop at a discount grocery store generally will not leave that quarter behind. When they do, that is when I make my move.

As a willing participant in our new gig economy I become an extremely temporary employee of the Aldi corporation every time I go to the gym. When I drive up for a workout I diligently scan the parking lot for carts that have been left behind. If I see a stray cart I park next to it, grab my workout gear and push the cart into the Aldi on my way into the gym. By returning the cart I can claim the quarter left behind by the previous user netting my 100% profit. I repeat this process after my workout, doubling my potential income from each trip. Yesterday I put my small collection of quarters together took a trip to the do it yourself car wash. Thanks Aldi.     

Innovations in modern saving

In an effort to defend my wallet from all threats, foreign and domestic, I am constantly on the lookout for better saving techniques. Instead of simply taking the verbal and psychological abuse from every cash bandit who comes along I have been cultivating methods of turning the situation around. Like a seasoned stand up comedian dealing with hecklers, there are ways to embarrass the very people who have just attempted to force your spending.

Bullying has received a inordinate amount of attention recently. Many Americans, especially young Americans have been conditioned to fight bulling in all its forms. Anyone can become the victim of bulling. There are plenty of fancy buzz words increasing the feeling of importance for those who wield them. Moral crusaders will gladly take up any cause if there is even a whiff of bulling taking place.  

Then I had an epiphany.

I can use these same buzz words to manufacture feelings of outrage during social situations. Even strangers will come to my aid if they are led to believe that a form of bulling is taking place.

This method is state of the art. I call it wallet shaming.

place yourself in a situation where you are with a group of friends and a sales person is attempting to sell something you do not want. Naturally they will attempt to take advantage of social proof and imply subtly to your group that you cannot afford whatever item is in question. You may feel pressure to make a purchase to protect your reputation. Resist this urge!

Instead, in a loud firm indignant voice say, "Are you trying to wallet shame me right now? Because I will not stand for it!" Congratulations. With this sentence you have labeled yourself a victim of bulling. Now watch as everyone within ear shot will jump at the chance to ridicule this hapless sales person. Not only will they not attempt to sell you anything further, it is likely no one else in the store will wish to purchase anything from a "bully".

The bystanders don't even need to know the situation. They will react forcefully simply because having an excuse to express righteous indigence is fun. Everyone enjoys feeling that they have the moral high ground and this gives them a perfect opportunity.

Pabst Blue Ribbon Citron

I ventured into my local tap house Saturday night and was impressed with the selection. Micro brewery's are all the rage now and everyone is trying to claim that they were a hop head way before it was cool. Now that the average drinker is pretending to have an interest in locally sourced hand crafted whatever, prices have inevitably risen.

Labatt Blue is my preferred beer. This regional delicacy is cheap, tastes good and the can is always as cold as the Canadian Rockies. That last part might not be true but it sure feels that way.

After scanning the extensive beer menu it dawned on me that the average drink was going to run $7 per pint. Before I surrendered to this extortion I scanned the menu one more time and discovered my salvation. A Crisp Pabst Blue Ribbon could be mine for only 3 american dollars. I though I had gained the upper hand until my drink arrived.

The other drinks were poured into artisan glasses specifically designed to enhance the drinking experience and induce in the drinker a unique feeling that what they were about to imbibe was very special. My drink came in a Mason Jar. Like Hester Prynne, I was being publicly shamed for my drink selection. Our server set my drink down with a smug look of satisfaction.

Defeated, I sipped my beer in silence until inspiration struck. I flagged down the server and said "Summer is just around the corner, could I get an orange for my drink?" In that instant Pabst Blue Ribbon Citron was born. Apparently adding an orange to your drink really classes it up as I had three different people ask me about my distinctive beverage. With all the seriousness I could muster, I told them it was just a little something I had ordered off menu. Keeping it Classy.

Khaki Kaper

Recently I started a new job. While there is no formal dress code certain styles of dress are encouraged. I was issued a couple of work shirts but beyond that I have been left to decide for myself what business casual means. Abstaining from providing official standards is clever since they can instantly declare anything inappropriate and more importantly, they do not feel compelled to buy me some work pants.

I am a large man. Shopping for clothing that fits properly can be a challenge. When I do find something halfway decent looking that fits well I buy every color available. For shirts I usually need a 3X or 4X depending on the brand and pants need to be between 40x30 and 44x30 depending on the brand. This makes some what less enjoyable that it could be.

My first stop was Kohls. They have an extensive Big and Tall section. I found a nice pair of dockers that looked like they would fit. Then I turned over the price tag. $75 a pair for work pants? Nope.

Then I headed over to Kmart. They had a buy one get one half off deal on all types of pants to clear them out for summer. I found a couple of sharp looking slacks and proceeded to the dressing room. They fit nicely around the waist but they were really baggy in the legs and butt. Not quite parachute pants but not exactly flattering. The price sure was sexy, $12 for the first pair and $6 for the second. I was tempted but decided to look elsewhere.

All the shopping stressed me out. I decided to go home, take a nap and regroup.

My last resort was T.J. Max. I was not optimistic about finding anything but against my better judgement I went. To my utter amazement there were two pair of nice dockers there were 42x30. They were a little tight but much better than the pants at Kmart. Each pair was $16.99. Not bad.

Once I reached the register the cashier's vapid stare caused me to really appreciate my new job. The look on her face was a combination of extreme apathy and loathing. Truly a master customer service representative. She scanned my order with a frown. I told her that if she kept making that face it might stick. She was not amused.

While walking to my car I looked at my receipt. She had not realized that I had two pair and only charged me for one. What a deal!

 

Double Vision.