Satisfaction Guaranteed II

Saturday is my cheat day so I can eat anything. A few weekends ago I decided it would be fun to make some fried chicken wings. It's pretty easy. I looked up a recipe on google then went to the HEB and bought all the supplies. There was a section where they recommended buying a thermometer so you could keep the fry oil at a constant 350 as much as possible. They had a candy thermometer for sale which cost about $5.

I took it all over to my girlfriends apartment and got to cooking. After breading the wings and getting them ready to fry I put the oil in a sauce pan and turned up the heat. The oil heated up quickly. I put the thermometer into the oil and waited. It only took a few seconds for the thermometer to show it had reached 350, but then it shot past that and kept going. Before I knew what was happening, I heard a pop. I looked pulled out the thermometer and it had looked like it exploded near the bottom. The external shell was fine but the inner tube had burst near where the led balls were. Lucky it didn't crack and spill out into the oil because it could have become contaminated.

A few days later I decided I would try my luck at returning the broken thermometer. I did not have a receipt for the item but I did have the credit card I used to buy it which had worked in the past. The regular service desk was closed since it was in the evening so I stood in a regular check out line. That's when I spotted my first obstacle. There was a posted sign listing items that would not be eligible for return during the quarantine. I scanned the list and Thermometer was listed. Top right corner where anyone could see it.

Then I remembered my days working as a bagger at a grocery store when I was 14. I never even glanced at company memos. I was pretty sure that these cashiers maintained the same policy. There was still a chance. I presented the broken thermometer to the cashier and explained that I would like to return it since it was broken. Never said that I broke it but that it was broken. Using the passive voice. The cashier called the manager and we went through the same dance again. Clearly the entire interaction was really interesting to him because he began to yawn. He asked me for my card to verify that I had indeed purchased it at an HEB. Then he said the magic words. Would you like cash or to have the amount returned to your card? Success! HEB, you're too good to me.

Sounds to drive to.

I want something to listen to in the car. I do not want to pay for it. The eternal struggle as the ancient  Greeks referred to it. There are plenty of free music services available. The radio is free. They extract their payment through forcing the listener to absorb advertising. There is a cost to everything.

My solution was to buy a thumb drive for my KIA and load up a bunch of MP3s. The cost to this is that it takes a little time and knowledge. It can be a pain to organize all the files and make sure they are compatible with my car. Initially I put a bunch of .wav, .wma and .ogg onto the device and then wondered why I couldn't find any of my files. What a fool I was. The MP3 seems to work so I have stuck with that. Other file types can be converted. Now I just have to track down some files. 

Any video you watch on YouTube can be covered into an MP3 with a third party website. I spend a lot of time driving around can listen to a song that is an hour or longer. The bulk of my content consists of Podcasts such as The Joe Rogan Experience, Comedians Comedian and Bigger pockets, as well as some Vaporwave tracks. Some JRE podcasts can last 3 or more hours. Perfect for those long days of delivery.

Is there a famous person you follow? I'm sure they have a TED talk on YouTube that you haven't had time to watch. Download it an put in on your thumb drive. Maybe you want to learn about world history? Audio book? It can all be converted into an MP3 and put into your car for free if you know where to look. 

Should I be concerned that I'm not learning about the latest and greatest whatever thing is on the market? No. There are so many ways we are being advertised to today that if something is really important and interesting, it will find its way to you. We only have so much time and attention in this life. We shouldn't just give it to some advertiser. Give me a dollar, then I'll subject myself to your advertisement. Right now people have it backwards. Pay for a subscription and then you can have an ad. free experience. As if that was possible. There are advertisements right in the content.

Very few people can live an advertisement free existence in America anymore. The best we can do is try to keep out as many as we can. That's what I like about Vaporwave music. I turn on an hour long collection of beats and random sounds then it takes me away into imagination land. I don't need another advertisement for Jared, the Galleria of Jewelry in my life. Ever.  

Coin Hunting.

Most people will not bother to pick up a coin. I've seen teenagers receive change then just throw their coins on the ground. Paper money is on the way out too so coins are even more of an inconvenience. I walked by an area where people often stand to pan handle and there was a pile of coins on the ground. Even the homeless and destitute view coins as too much of a hassle.

In the age of Covid-19, the idea of picking up a coin that could contain the virus is not increasing the appeal of coin collecting. At least not from a common parking lot or sidewalk. That is where I swoop in and collect the free money.

Where are people likely to drop coins? You have to think like a coin. If people bother keeping a coin they usually put it into their front pocket along with their keys. When they enter their car after making the nightly trip to 7-11 to buy Malt Liquor and Cheese sticks they pull their keys out of their pocket and inadvertently spill their coins onto the ground. If you go into a parking lot early in the morning or late at night you can walk up and down the area were people exit their cars to increase your odds of finding something. Refer to the diagram below.

  
Sometimes you get lucky if you keep your eyes open. I was waiting outside a fancy grocery store in the nice part of town when I saw a woman walking out of the store. She had an envelope full of cash and coupons. As she was fiddling with her purse, all the coins in the envelope spilled out. After years of training I could tell by the distinct sound of the coins striking the ground that one of them was a quarter. My excitement was pronounced as I imagined putting that same quarter into a washing machine at the laundry mat a block away from my apartment later tonight. That would come to almost 8% off a load of laundry. Tantalizing.

I walked over to put myself into position before anyone else did. My heart quickened as she stopped. It seemed that she might turn around and pick up those coins. Then I realized with great relief that she was just retracing her steps in an attempt to remember where she parked. I skulked over and picked up a cool 28 cents. The three pennies would fit nicely into the coffee tin I keep by my counter. I fill it up with lose coins and take it to my credit union where I can convert it into digital currency anytime they decide to finally let the public enter the building. By that time I should have quite a collection.

If you walk up to a fountain, is it illegal to extract the coins small children and the superstitious have used to make wishes for your own personal gain? I did a little research and found out that it is not illegal to take money out of public fountains. That money usually goes to a local charity. Don't think of it as taking money from people who don't want it. Instead, think of it as taking food out of the mouths of the needy. The problem is that if you handed them those same coins they would likely toss them back on the ground and ask you for some paper money instead. 

I should take some time to vigorously wash my hands. 20 seconds is the new standard but I think I might need to up that to 25 or 26. If you use the sink at the grocery store then the soap is free too. Good thing I live right next door to a nice one.

Renters Insurance

Renters insurance is nothing more than an annoyance. I have nothing worth insuring besides my car and it already has a policy. Lots of apartments force you to buy a policy as a condition of your lease but sometimes there are ways around this. When I first moved to Austin with my brother we were told to buy renters insurance but we just never did. The leasing office never asked us again. Problem solved.

Later I moved into a room in a house and again the landlord asked me to carry a policy but told me it was optional. So I opted not to. He could care less as long as my rent check came in each month. again, the perfect system. After 6 months he kicked us out of his house so a coworker would have a place to live. Bummer.

My two roommates and I decided to find an apartment together. The lease required that we carry renters insurance. Luckily it didn't state that we each had to carry a policy. My roommate Laquanda had renters insurance so I just forwarded the info to the leasing office and that was that. Another year I didn't have to carry a policy.

At the end of our lease we went our separate ways and I had to find another place to live. I found an apartment where they rented out the rooms individually. It was really cheap and I later found out why. The place was just on the border of being condemned. The price was right. They even had you buy a renters insurance policy instead of paying a deposit. I thought this was pretty crooked but it was cheaper than buying my own policy. It cost around $16 a month and this was nothing more than a worthless bill since I still have no possessions worth insuring at this point.

I only lasted 3 month in this dump before I couldn't take it anymore and leased my own apartment. It's very small but I am the only occupant. Which also means I have to carry a renters insurance policy according to the lease. I tried to avoid buying a policy again but then I was informed I would not be receiving the keys to my apartment without proof of a policy. I had car insurance through GEICO so I decided to go through them to buy a renters insurance policy. They even said I could get a discount on my auto insurance by bundling. Sign me up.

GEICO directed me to another company called Assurance. The policy was going to be $11 a month. Great. I bought it, moved in and forgot all about it.

After a few months I was reviewing my credit card statement and it said Assurance was charging me $16 a month. How could this be? I called the help line to get some answers. After navigating an extensive phone tree and being put on hold a few times I reached an agent. He told me that Assurance was allowed to charge me $5 a month to process my payment. I informed him that was not going to work for me an I needed to find a way to eliminate the fee or I would be canceling the policy. He laughed and told me that the only way I would be able to avoid the fee would be to pay the entire year in full and that in Texas this was a common practice. Then I laughed and told him that sounded like bull shit and I would be calling back in a few days to cancel this policy when I found a cheaper one that doesn't just steal money from its customers. He wished me luck.

After a little shopping around I found a policy with an online renters insurance company called Lemonade. It could be called Fake Insurance Company for all I care. All I want is proof that I have a policy since I never plan to make a claim even if all the filthy rags I call clothing end up getting stolen. $5.75 a month. Then even agreed to cancel my old policy so I didn't need to contact Assurance again. That is a savings of $10.25 a month on something I do not care about. Success.

The next step is to create my own fake insurance shell company based out of the Cayman islands. Then I can write a policy for myself that is just as valuable as the toilet paper policy I am currently paying for at no cost. Not a bad idea.

https://www.offshorecompany.com/company/cayman-islands/

Rucking

The gym is closed. The local pools are also closed. I still need to exercise so it will just need to be outdoors for a while. Good thing it's spring time in Texas so the weather is great for it.

All the exercise gurus on Youtube have made their own quarantine workouts. After reviewing a few I decided to make up my own routine. I start walking, then do 10 push ups, 10 jumping jacks, 10 body-squats and finally 10 lunges. Then I continue walking until my heart rate returns to normal and do it again. This is a pretty good workout for my level of fitness but I decided that I don't want to do it every day. I would like to intersperse it with different workout so I can mix it up. My normal routine is Gym, Pool, rest day in that order.

Somehow I ended up on a webpage discussing the benefits of Rucking. Pretty simple. You get a backpack or "Rucksack" as it's called. Put weight in it. Then go walking. The site claimed that you could get 85-90% of the benefits of jogging but it was much easier on your joints with the correct amount of weight. They recommended starting with either 10% of your body weight or 30 lbs in your ruck. I was sold.

I went to Walmart and picked out a backpack. It was $27 dollars. Normally I would try and find a second hand bag at a thrift store but they are all closed because they are considered non-essential businesses during the shelter in place orders.

Next, I needed to find some weights to put in the bag. At first I considered filling the bag with bottles of water because then I could drink the water as I walked. The problem was that water sloshes all over the place and isn't really all that heavy. I also considered buying some weightlifting disks and putting them in the back but I had already spent $27 on the backpack so I didn't really want to spend a bunch on the weights.

I needed something durable and dense. Like my skull. Then it hit me. I could fill the bag with rocks. There are rocks all over the place that I could have for free. I drove to the dollar store and bought a box of large zip lock bags to put the rocks in. I figured if I filled each bag they would weight close to 10 pounds. As I was doing my deliveries later that night I hit pay dirt. Free rocks.

 As I was waiting for my customers Thai Food I filled up 4 bags. Then I put them into the backpack/rucksack.

That night I couldn't wait to try out rucking so even thought it was 11:00 pm I decided to go for a trial walk. Success. I walked about 1.2 miles with the bag and had a great workout. When I returned to my appartment I was bushed. I decided that I would remove one of the bags for future rucks because the sack was too heavy. Today I took another ruck of about 2.5 miles and 3 bags of rocks was the perfect amount. When I get stronger I can continue to add more rocks.

It turned out to be a great workout plan. I would highly recommend taking up rucking until they decide to reopen the gyms. You might even have a backpack already. Then all you need is some weight and somewhere to walk.

Shower Curtain

I have been living with a few roommates to save money. The situation is not working out so I will be moving at the end of this month into a studio apartment. It will be a bit more expensive but how can you put a price on your sanity? My last roommates were great so I thought I could get lucky again. Nope.

One of my roommates named Hector also felt that things weren't working out so he decided to find a new place too. He moved out today. I could tell because when I walked into our shared bathroom he had taken his shower curtain with him. This presented me with a conundrum. How was I planning to take a shower? Most people would just put "buy a new shower curtain" on their to-do list and forget the whole thing. I saw an opportunity to save money. The cost of buying a new shower curtain is much more expensive than just having a wet floor. Which is free. Plus I'll be the only one using the bathroom for the next two weeks.

Skipping my morning shower was not an option. At least not for two weeks straight. I have a membership at planet fitness so I could opt to shower there for the next few weeks but that seemed pretty inconvenient. I could take a "whores bath" in the sink as my friend Jeff used to call them. Probably not going to work. My Girlfriend also has a shower at her place but she lives in the town over and works during the day. Not practical. I suppose I could take an actual bath because there is a tub but then I would have to sit in what I'm sure is a filthy tub. I am not certain I would emerge cleaner that way.

Then I thought, do I really need a curtain? I could aim the shower head towards the wall and put a towel down on the floor. I bet that will work. I can just get in the shower, get a layer of water on me then turn off the shower, lather up and then turn the faucet back on and rinse off. Should be easy.

I would normally be a bit more concerned about ruining the floor and risking not getting my deposit back but my apartment building has this weird thing where you don't pay a deposit. You buy renters insurance instead then they wave the deposit. Essentially, I'm not going to be getting back a deposit no matter how well I take care of the place. If I really break something obvious they could charge me in addition to my insurance but it would have to be something really bad like throwing the oven off the balcony. Even then, not sure this would raise any eyebrows. 

In the end, my shower experiment was a success. I took an abbreviated shower and the floor did not get any wetter than if I had just stood there and let myself air dry. Of course I'll need to go to Walmart and drop $4 plus tax on a shower curtain and rings in a few weeks anyways but that will be an end of February's problem. 

Free internet!

Who can live without access to the internet? My brother and I tried to go without internet in our apartment and it was horrible. We used to drive to a local coffee shop or the library to get online. The baristas would make a big stink if you came in to soak up the "free" WiFi without buying anything.  Between the two of us we spent hundreds of dollars on coffee at these places. It would have been cheaper to just pay to have it at our place. 

When I lived with my next set of roommates, we had WiFi put in and split the bill three ways. It cost us each about $20 a month. Worth it. Our apartment also had a business center where I could go 24 hours a day and get online if I needed a quiet place to blog. After a year and a half we all went our separate ways so I moved once again.

At my new place I am renting a single room in an apartment. The leasing agent told me that they have google fiber. Each room is equipped with its own router. She also said that they have a plan where you can get free access to the internet. Sounded too good to be true. Especially since everything else about my new apartment was dilapidated.

I contacted the google fiber representative. The options were that I could come to their office in downtown Austin or they could send me a router in the mail. I was pitched hard on the merits of Google high-speed ultra net or whatever they called it. I inquired about the free internet package. I was told that yes, they did have a free package but it was only a glacial 5 mps. I opted for the free package of course and assured her that if I found it too slow I would upgrade.

The Google fiber office was neat. Right when you walk in they have you sit down in front of a demonstration of to connection speeds. One is the free connection where everything is buffering and waiting to load. The other is the High-speed uber fast connection where they are simultaneously playing fortnight, mining bit coins, watching HD video, and sequencing the human genome without any lag. I was again told how smart I would be if I selected the fast internet and how stupid I would be if I selected the slow free internet. The sales person had the live demo to verify their claim right in front of us. Who could refuse?

I decided to be dumb. I again requested the free internet. Finally I was given the equipment and instructions on how to set it up. Just plug it into the wall and log into your account.

When I returned to my room I set it up and created my WiFi network. There were lots of clever WiFi network names in my building already such as porqueFi and FBI Surveillance Van. I decided to name mine after my swimming hobby. It is plenty fast enough for one person and works great for me since I am either surfing the web on my laptop or on watching youtube on my phone. For Free.