Drinking for Science.

For the last few weeks I have been looking at an adult Santa costume on Amazon. I want to take a fun holiday picture with my girlfriend and thought a Santa suit would be the perfect addition to make the photo memorable. Even with my free shipping through a prime trial membership the cheapest suit that would fit was priced at $100. The price listed starts at $60 for a medium but when you put in XXXL then it jumps up to $100. They should call it a fat tax. For something this frivolous I thought this was too much to spend. There had to be a way I could get it for a discount.

I have begun to do open mic comedy shows around Austin so I joined the Austin comics Facebook group. One of the other comics posted an opportunity to be involved in a science experiment as a test subject. The pay? A $35 Amazon gift card. They needed test subjects to get drunk in their laboratory so they could test out some eye scanning devices. Sounds like a fun little Friday.

I sent in an email with my information and went in the following Friday. As promised they gave me a product code for a free Lyft ride. The driver showed up and I was on my way. She asked me what I was up to and I explained that I was going to go get drunk for a science experiment. Not sure that she actually believed me but she did get me to the right address.

When I arrived they scanned in a picture of my face and made me an official badge.

After being ushered into the lab area, which was the company breakroom, I was weighed and then given my baseline test. This was to measure my reactions while sober. Then the experimenter instructed to follow a bunch of dots on a screen. When finished I was returned to the lab area and given my first drink. It was 135 ml of Vodka with some orange juice mixed in. This is slightly over 3 standard shots of liquor. I was told to finish my drink within 10 minutes then in 20 more minutes the next test would begin.

Before my next round I took a breathalyzer. .033 was the first reading. Then .07 and finally .099 after my third round. I had become legally drunk in the state of Texas. The experimenter told me that I could stay as long as I wanted and enjoy some snacks. They brought in 6 domino's pizzas for the researchers and other participants. I ate an entire pizza along with some cliff bars and a tea. I was chatting with the staff quite a lot which they undoubtedly perceived as rambling. I was certainly "feeling it" and decided it was time to go home for a nap. When I told the experimenter I was ready to head home she presented me with my Amazon gift card and a post-it note with another Lyft promotion code to pay for my ride home. After a semi-coherent conversation with my Lyft driver I ended up in bed for a nice nap. It was about 7pm.

The next day I put my $35 credit toward the purchase of the adult Santa suit. In the end it cost me about $62. It arrived the very next day. They also have a 100% no questions asked return policy so after the pictures I may decide to return it and save even more but even if I keep it I think it was a good idea. You cannot put a price on fun. This must be a psychological bias but I feel like I got a great deal even though I technically paid full price for this. My enjoyment of the costume has been increased by my feeling that I somehow beat the system, even though that mental asthmatic is illogical and only in my head.

Update (1/1/2020)

I ended up sending the suit back. They issued my a 100% refund but it came in the form a Amazon gift card credit on my account instead of cash. I returned it before Christmas but I would have had the entire month of January to decide. Sweet.